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Dad jokes

Started By KadinB , Sep 28 2021 4:30 PM

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160 replies to this topic

#61 Offline NickAnter - Posted November 16 2021 - 5:14 PM

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Do you know what language I can write fluently in?

English.
 

"Hello!! Help, we're sinking!!"

"Zis is the German Coastguard, no one cares what you think."

"SINKING!!!"

"NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT!!"


  • TennesseeAnts, Antkeeper01, KadinB and 1 other like this

Hi there! I went on a 6 month or so hiatus, in part due, and in part cause of the death of my colonies. 

However, I went back to the Sierras, and restarted my collection, which is now as follows:

Aphaenogaster uinta, Camponotus vicinus, Camponotus modoc, Formica cf. aserva, Formica cf. micropthalma, Formica cf. manni, Formica subpolita, Formica cf. subaenescens, Lasius americanus, Manica invidia, Pogonomyrmex salinus, Pogonomyrmex sp. 1, Solenopsis validiuscula, & Solenopsis sp. 3 (new Sierra variant). 

#62 Offline ANTdrew - Posted February 2 2022 - 5:24 PM

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What’s green and predicts the weather?

The ground frog
  • NickAnter, Antkeeper01, Chickalo and 2 others like this
"The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer." Prov. 30:25
Keep ordinary ants in extraordinary ways.

#63 Offline bmb1bee - Posted February 2 2022 - 9:12 PM

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Gonna bring back a classic:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side to catch queen ants 3:)


  • Antkeeper01, Dumpling, PaigeX and 1 other like this

"Float like a butterfly sting like a bee, his eyes can't hit what the eyes can't see."
- Muhammad Ali

Check out my shop and parasitic Lasius journal! Discord user is bmb1bee if you'd like to chat.

Also check out my YouTube channel: @bmb1bee

#64 Offline azzaaazzzz00 - Posted February 22 2022 - 3:40 PM

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To everyone who has posted a dad joke: I will find you, and I will......um......STEAL ALL YO ANTS (and a free computer smashing party if ur intrested)


Edited by azzaaazzzz00, February 22 2022 - 3:41 PM.

  • Chickalo likes this
Been keeping ants since January of 2021

Always try new things, even if its hard, hard is not impossible. We are smart and it's good to be smart but not too smart for your own good.

#65 Offline ANTdrew - Posted April 7 2022 - 4:35 PM

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What bread refuses to grow up?

Pita Pan
I’m teaching people the benefits of dried grapes.
Raisin awareness.
  • Kaelwizard, Antkeeper01, Chickalo and 4 others like this
"The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer." Prov. 30:25
Keep ordinary ants in extraordinary ways.

#66 Offline AntBoi3030 - Posted April 7 2022 - 5:32 PM

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A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, "How long have you suffered from that condition?" The guy tells him, "Since next Monday."

I tried to grab fog.

But I mist.

Edited by AntBoi3030, April 7 2022 - 5:36 PM.

  • Kaelwizard, ANTdrew, Chickalo and 6 others like this

My favorite queens/colony’s:
Pheidole Tysoni, Selonopis Molesta, Brachymyrmex Depilis, Tetramorium Immagrians, Prenolepis Imparis, Pheidole Bicirinata 

#67 Offline antfanatic - Posted April 8 2022 - 8:16 AM

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keep going (y)


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#68 Offline ColAnt735 - Posted April 8 2022 - 8:24 AM

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What do a tick and the Eiffel tower have in common they are both Paris sites.

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing he just waved.


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"If an ant carries an object a hundred times it's weight,you can carry burdens many times your size.

#69 Offline AntsLA-1 - Posted April 8 2022 - 12:56 PM

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Why did the bear laugh?

Because the joke was unBEARably funny.


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Ants are cute, that's that.

 

 

Currently Keeping:

 

Nothing

#70 Offline NickAnter - Posted April 8 2022 - 4:17 PM

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What do you say when you find gold?

AU yeah!

 

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium.

 

Ill add more here when I find the picture that has more of these. Sourced from the wall outside a chemistry teacher's classroom.


  • ANTdrew, Antkeeper01, Chickalo and 4 others like this

Hi there! I went on a 6 month or so hiatus, in part due, and in part cause of the death of my colonies. 

However, I went back to the Sierras, and restarted my collection, which is now as follows:

Aphaenogaster uinta, Camponotus vicinus, Camponotus modoc, Formica cf. aserva, Formica cf. micropthalma, Formica cf. manni, Formica subpolita, Formica cf. subaenescens, Lasius americanus, Manica invidia, Pogonomyrmex salinus, Pogonomyrmex sp. 1, Solenopsis validiuscula, & Solenopsis sp. 3 (new Sierra variant). 

#71 Offline azzaaazzzz00 - Posted April 8 2022 - 4:46 PM

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keep going (y)

Oh no...you've been infected too...


Edited by azzaaazzzz00, April 8 2022 - 4:47 PM.

  • PaigeX likes this
Been keeping ants since January of 2021

Always try new things, even if its hard, hard is not impossible. We are smart and it's good to be smart but not too smart for your own good.

#72 Offline PaigeX - Posted April 9 2022 - 1:20 AM

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I love it when this thread is revived. 
 

What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.

 
Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.
 
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
 
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
 
Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
 
Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
 
Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
 
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
 
What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.
 
Why were spectators confused by the koala’s self-portrait? It was bear.

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Favourite Genus: Polyrhachis 

 
Journal: Main

Instagram: australian_polyrhachis

 

May God Bless you.

#73 Offline ANTdrew - Posted April 16 2022 - 1:31 AM

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What kind of pants do ants wear?

Blue gynes
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"The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer." Prov. 30:25
Keep ordinary ants in extraordinary ways.

#74 Offline ColAnt735 - Posted April 16 2022 - 5:09 AM

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I'm afraid for this calendar. It's days are numbered.

 

Their wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.

 

What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? "Wheres Pop Corn?"

 

What do you call a poor Santa? Saint Nickel-less.

 

How does a taco start a prayer during taco mass? "Lettuce pray."


  • ANTdrew, Antkeeper01, KadinB and 5 others like this

"If an ant carries an object a hundred times it's weight,you can carry burdens many times your size.

#75 Offline lazyant - Posted April 16 2022 - 6:12 AM

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What does the scared deer say 'Oh dear!'

 

What does a little computer call its dad? Data

 

I only seem to get sick on wednesdays, I have a weekend immune system.


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"Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix." -Comic book guy 

#76 Offline Shazza - Posted April 16 2022 - 1:53 PM

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Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road??

Because it got stuck in a crack.....
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#77 Offline azzaaazzzz00 - Posted April 16 2022 - 2:37 PM

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Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road??

Because it got stuck in a crack.....

 

I should've seen that coming.


Edited by azzaaazzzz00, April 16 2022 - 2:38 PM.

  • Antkeeper01, KadinB, NicholasP and 2 others like this
Been keeping ants since January of 2021

Always try new things, even if its hard, hard is not impossible. We are smart and it's good to be smart but not too smart for your own good.

#78 Offline lazyant - Posted April 17 2022 - 10:27 AM

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I've got more

 

Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback

 

Have you about the claustrophobic astronaut? he wanted more space


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"Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix." -Comic book guy 

#79 Offline NickAnter - Posted April 17 2022 - 1:03 PM

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Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was a salted.

 

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten-tickles.

 

Did you see they made round bales of hay illegal in California?

Because the cows weren't getting a square meal.


  • Antkeeper01, KadinB, Chickalo and 1 other like this

Hi there! I went on a 6 month or so hiatus, in part due, and in part cause of the death of my colonies. 

However, I went back to the Sierras, and restarted my collection, which is now as follows:

Aphaenogaster uinta, Camponotus vicinus, Camponotus modoc, Formica cf. aserva, Formica cf. micropthalma, Formica cf. manni, Formica subpolita, Formica cf. subaenescens, Lasius americanus, Manica invidia, Pogonomyrmex salinus, Pogonomyrmex sp. 1, Solenopsis validiuscula, & Solenopsis sp. 3 (new Sierra variant). 

#80 Offline That_one_ant_guy - Posted April 17 2022 - 1:04 PM

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Why was the baseball game so windy? Because of all the fansssss
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